Top 10 things I learned from romantic comedies. Or, maybe not …

Watching romantic comedies a girl can learn a lot about life, friendship, fashion …and, of course, love. Sadly, most of the lessons instilled in us by these wonderful, sappy, clichéd and usually happy-ever-after-y movies are …well, a sham. Because, of course, real life is not really like a romantic comedy. It’s not even like a drama, most of the time. Life is just …life. And, in a way, even if that means I don’t get the cool outfits, or the hunky male lead, I’m kind of glad. 

But, if life WERE like a romantic comedy, these would be the Top 10 lessons to be found in them:

1.    If he hates you and you hate him, then you’ll probably end up together. Hatred does not exist. You’re probably just in denial. Circumstances will conspire to bring you two together.

2.    There are two types of girlfriends: the ones who get drunk with you, give you advice, and have their own boyfriends. And then there are the sluts who just want to steal your man. These are the ONLY two types of friends. Be quick to identify which type of friend every new acquaintance is or suffer the consequences.

3.    Being clumsy, ignorant, silly and/or a workaholic are perfectly acceptable character flaws. Once the right guy comes along, he will find it totally endearing. You don’t have to change a thing.

4.    Sex is a wonderful romantic and tender experience. Even if it’s your first time. Even if it’s his first time. It will be perfect EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Because that’s what happens when there’s love.

5.    And, on that note, men never fall asleep after sex. Never, ever. They all want to have heart-to-hearts just after doing the horizontal mambo.

6.    Getting engaged means nothing. Even if you’ve dated a man for years and years, and you have come to the conclusion that you know him and can spend the rest of your life with him, he can still turn out to be a douchebag who won’t even care when you break up with him to go shack up with your best friend/guy you just met, etc.

7.    Falling in love with your best friend is completely normal. In fact, it happens all the time. If your best friend isn’t in love with you yet, maybe it’s time to take off your glasses. Cut your hair. Put on some makeup. If that fails, just get engaged to someone else. That’ll do the trick.

8.    Get drunk. Seriously. Just get drunk. Alcohol brings clarity. And, also, the person who takes care of you when you’re drunk …that’s the man for you.  Even if all he wants is to get into your pants.

9.    Lies are no big deal if you’re in love. It doesn’t matter if he lied about his identity, career, about the fact that he was engaged, or if he neglected to mention that getting to know you was merely the result of a bet …in the end none of that matters if you’re in love. And, if he’s there, groveling, then, of course, he loves you too. And all is well.

10.  Once you finally kiss your soul mate after overcoming hordes of obstacles, that’s it. Fade to black. There’s nothing else. Happily ever after is just a fantasy. 

And, on that note, aren’t you also kind of glad life isn’t like a romantic comedy? Sure, I’d still kill for the shoes. But the rest, I’d rather figure out on my own.