Top 10 most read books in the world

I saw a graphic today, about the Top 10 most read books in the world. It’s actually a funny list, which truly expresses that people read for a lot of different reasons. Yes, the Holy Bible is in first place, and that was to be expected. School will do that to you. I had religion lessons every single year I was in school. This is probably true of a lot of people. We read the Bible. Buy it, keep it in our house. A lot of hotels buy The Bible to have and place it in their rooms. People are born, they grow up, and they read it, and so on. (Mind you, most of us don’t read the WHOLE Bible, of course, but still, since we buy it, it will remain number 1).

Number Two, Quotations from Chairman Mao Tse-Tung is actually kind of surprising (For me, western education and all). But, all in all, it shouldn’t be. There are a lot of people in China. 

Harry Potter comes in at number 3. Can’t say that surprises me either, especially since there are seven of them, and I was one of those people that stood in line for hours at midnight to get the sixth and seven books. (There were a LOT of people there. A LOT). It’s actually pretty amazing how many people have read it. But I’m happy with its place. It’s a wonderful book. Many other wonderful books are not in this list, but at least one of my favorites is.

LOTR comes in at number 4, and to be completely honest, that one blew me away. It’s a really long, complicated book, and it’s kind of awesome that so many people have read it (or, at the very least, bought it). It sets a high standard for fiction, and for writers, and for creating your own world, and all that. And, yes, it was published a long time ago, but still …all of you people who bought LOTR, did you really finish it? (I did, though I will admit I skipped most of the long winded descriptions of trees. And the songs. I skipped all of those too.) 

Number 5 is where it gets semi-depressing, because number 5 is Paulo Cohelo. Now, let me preface this by saying I’m not a Cohelo fan. I’ve read about 5 or 6 of his books and I’ve found each more contrived, filled with clichés and, frankly, absurd than the last.  The Alchemist (which I read), follows that pattern. It’s filled with “pretty words”, and so called deep advice, but as a work of fiction, it fails miserably. It’s the most boring trek through the dessert in the history of mankind.

Then we come to Number 6, The Da Vinci Code, (Read it. Also not a fan), a book that sold as many copies as I did because of the controversy surrounding it. Or at least I assume that’s the reason, because Dan Brown cannot do research to save his life and his writing isn’t that coherent. That is to say, he has a good idea, he builds a good plot, but he is not a master of suspense and his endings leave a LOT to be desired. 

But even that is way better than Number 6, which, it pains me to say, is Twilight. Yes, that one. The one with very unhealthy relationship ideas, sparkling perfect vampires and the worst excuse for a Mary-Sue heroine that has appeared in literature in many, many years. Escapism at its best, I guess. 

Eight is Gone with the Wind, a long, long, long, beautiful, brilliant, amazing book that everyone should read if only because “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn,” is much more painful when you read the book, and because Scarlett O’Hara is the heroine everyone who has ever thought about writing should want to put into paper: Perfectly flawed, and completely unaware of it, till the very end. 

Our first motivational/self-help book (unless you want to count Cohelo in that category, and I often do, since it makes it easier to stomach), is Think and Grow Rich, by Napoleon Hill, which is number 9. It’s been around since 1937, and a lot of people have read it (I haven’t), a lot of people still swear by it (some of my professors, for example), and some people will go on reading it. (But I don’t think that if we look at this list in 10 or 20 years we’ll still find it here…it’s got stiff competition from new, similar books).

To round of our list we have, at number 10, The Diary of Anne Frank. (Have you noticed that most of the fiction books in this list are dramas? Apparently comedy is not as popular). I, like most of you, read this book when I was too young to understand what the ending was going to be like, and it broke my little heart into a gazillion pieces. It’s still a book that should be read, and will probably be read, not only because of literary methods, but also because it’s a heartbreakingly accurate description of a time and place that we might never get to know otherwise, for  most of its protagonists are not around to tell their own story. 

So, there we have it, my opinions on this wonderfully brilliant and absurd list. What do YOU think?

50 Shades of Grey, aka 50 Shades of Crap

I’ve been considering writing about this crappy book for a long time. I heard about it a while ago, knew all about its origins as a Twilight fanfic (Master of the Universe is the title…it’s still around on .pdf… Google it if you don’t believe me) and how the author first self-published and is now all the sudden a global phenomenon because ZOMG she wrote like the best “erotica” book eva!.  All this knowledge, of course, just made me want to STAY THE HELL AWAY, as any sane person would. I tried. I really tried. But I couldn’t. I blame my friends, of course, because they just wanted to read it and make fun of it, and so I had to join in. What can I say?  I’m kinda attracted to train-wrecks.  I did read Twilight, after all.

But oh, this …this is so much worse than Twilight, and, for a very, very long time, I was sure nothing I read could ever be. Twilight was badly written, with a cardboard for a heroine and a Mary Sue for a hero …but at least you could …I don’t know, make fun of it? Go see the movie while massively drunk and laugh at how mad people got every time you or your brilliant friend (whose idea it was to get drunk and go see the movie in the first place) made a rude comment about Edward, Bella, the town, the people, the plot, Jacob, Edward, Bella, etc.

At least Twilight had SOME semblance of a plot. A sucky one, but a plot nonetheless. Well, and it had a rather creepy message and I still hope and pray that no one reads it and thinks that’s what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like, but let me tell you, Christian Grey makes Edward Cullen look like a good guy. No, he makes Edward Cullen look like a saint. A sparkly one, at that.

But hey, he has money, he’s handsome and he has a giant penis. So all must be well.

I will start by saying that reading this book was PURE TORTURE. Around page 15 I wanted to commit suicide. Around Page 50 I wanted to kill the author. The only reason I continued reading is because …well, one can’t really make fun of something one has not properly read. It was like a sacrifice I made. And now I’m here to tell you: YOU DON’T HAVE TO MAKE THE SAME SACRIFICE.

This book sucks. Take my word for it. Run away while you can.

Our dear heroine, Anastasia Steele is even worse than Bella Swan. They are the same brand of insecure, stupid, clumsy and naïve. She is, quite simply, a Mary Sue. But then again, so is Christian. Halfway through this crap I almost expected him to shine. 

The big deal about this book is that it’s supposed to be “Erotica”, but I’m quite sure I could find better “Erotica” for free on the internet, much better written. This book, to be honest, is badly written, predictable, filled with too many descriptive passages and not enough action, it contains horrible dialogue and the same phrases repeated over and over and over… and, well, the sex scenes, the thing everyone is talking about are rather …unrealistic.

For someone trying to write a book about BDSM, I have to conclude that E.L James must not have spent a lot of her time doing what every author should do when immersing himself in a culture he is not part of and does not understand. That thing we all hate. Research.

I mean, at the very least, use Google. It's your friend. I promise.

So, it’s badly researched, awfully written and just idiotic, but I’ve read books like that before. My biggest issue with this one is that, through the very very thin plot and the multitude of sex scenes that seem to be there just to keep this crap “edgy”, lies a VERY disturbing message. That it doesn’t matter if your partner is abusive. YOU CAN CHANGE HIM. All you have to do is love him very much, and stick with him, even if he constantly treats you like crap. YOU CAN CHANGE HIM. I repeat. YOU CAN CHANGE HIM.

And, yes, you can. In books. Literature is like that. Real life, however, is much harder.

But a lot of people reading this won’t realize it. And, the sad thing is maybe there are women who will read the book and stick with douchebags, because they want to be like Anastasia. Me? I’d rather stick with real heroines. There are a lot of those to go around.   

Personajes más odiados en la literatura (I)

Hace rato que quería escribir una lista así. Uno lee un libro por muchas razones. Le gusta por muchas otras. A veces uno disfruta del libro aunque no disfrute del personaje. A veces uno disfruta del libro precisamente porque no disfruta del personaje. 

Algunos de los personajes de mi lista son personajes maravillosos. Redondos, como diríamos. Tridimensionales. Con un pasado y una razón de ser. Tal vez por eso se encuentran aquí. Porque el autor ha creado un personaje tan bien logrado que no nos queda más que odiarlo. Otros, sin embargo, están aquí simplemente porque…bueno, porque con cada cosa que leemos de ellos, más ganas tenemos de tirar el libro contra la pared. Porque les hace falta algo. En algunos casos, porque les hace falta todo. 

Obviamente esto es una cuestión de opinión. He leído muchas listas de este tipo que incluyen personajes que yo amo con locura (si, se puede amar a un personaje con locura). Pero esta es la mía. Quizás estén de acuerdo. Tal vez no.  

1. Bella Swan, Twilight. Si tengo que hacer una lista, Bella siempre irá de primera. Bueno, si es una lista mala. Decir que la detesto casi que se queda corto. Es el personaje más inútil que he tenido la desgracia de leer, completamente co-dependiente y sin una pizca de personalidad. A veces se deprime y la autora mata arboles dejando páginas y páginas en blanco para expresar sus sentimientos. Excepto que así es ella. Todo el tiempo Como una página en blanco. Llamarla una heroína es un insulto a las verdaderas heroínas. Bella no es fuerte. Bella no se salva a sí misma. Ni siquiera lo intenta. Al contrario, ella se sienta a esperar que la salven, una y otra vez. El que la salva más gana su amor. The end.
2. Heathcliff, Wuthering Heights. Comenzaré por decir que este es uno de esos casos donde amo el libro, a pesar de que el personaje principal no es muy de mi agrado. Es más, ninguno de los dos principales es de mi agrado. No tengo idea de porque me gusta el libro. He visto por ahí una tendencia a idealizar el personaje de Heathcliff. Muchos lo ven como un héroe romántico y les perdonan sus rabietas y sus malos comportamientos. Es el amor que lo hace reaccionar así, dicen. O el dolor. Pero, honestamente, hay poco de romance en su comportamiento abusivo, manipulativo y negligente. Heathcliff no es un héroe, ni nada por el estilo. Pero si es un personaje maravilloso.
3. Edward Rochester, Jane Eyre. La razón por la que nunca pude enamorarme de este libro es porque Mr. Rochester es uno de los peores “héroes” de la literatura. No es romántico. Ni siquiera es muy amable. Es más, siempre me he preguntado que vio Jane en él.  Para mi mejor hubiera sido que terminara sola. Después de todo, un hombre capaz de encerrar a su esposa en el ático no se merece un final feliz. Y no me vengan con eso de que estaba loca, eh. Cero excusas.
4. Dolores Umbridge, Harry Potter Series. Hay muchos villanos en Harry Potter. Pero el personaje más detestable para mí, es, sin lugar a dudas, el de Dolores Umbridge, profesora de Defensa contra las Artes Oscuras en el quinto libro. Quizás es porque es fácil ver a Voldemort, y a los mortífagos, como personificaciones del mal. Dolores es más humana, y por lo tanto, más detestable. Tal vez es porque todavía recuerdo sus castigos a Harry. Y quizás, también es porque ella me hizo tirar el libro contra la pared más veces que todo el resto de los personajes juntos.
5. Robert Langdon, El Código Da Vinci. No sé cómo se me ocurre poner a Robert Langdon en esta lista. Primero, porque eso significa admitir que LEI El Código Da Vinci, cosa que, en mis mejores momentos, me gustaría olvidar. Segundo porque el condenado es simplemente perfecto. No es broma. No hace nada mal. Y, además de todo eso, lo sabe ABSOLUTAMENTE TODO. Y lo que no sabe, lo deduce en 0,3 segundos. Ah, y es Tom Hanks (esto no es culpa del autor, eh. Lo demás sí). ¿Recuerdan cuando hablamos de personajes redondos, tan bien construidos que a veces, por más que fueran los villanos, uno no podía evitar quererlos? Pues Robert Langdon es el ejemplo perfecto…de lo contrario.