These shoes don’t hurt and other lies I tell myself

I’m a compulsive liar, I’ve discovered. Or, maybe, like most writers, I just deal better with fiction than I do with reality. This would be a terrible character flaw, if it were not for the fact that, most times, I’m not lying to someone else to try to convince them of some excuse I just came up with, or some harebrained scheme I concocted. No, the lies are pretty minor, mostly related to shallow stuff and most times, I only lie to myself. 

Most of the times I like to think that doesn’t even count. 

The whole thing starts very early in the morning. I get up; look at myself in the mirror and, even after thirty minutes of exercise, a good bath and what feels like two pounds of makeup (The concealer and I are best friends), I still see the same dark circles under my eyes. But I convince myself they’re not there. I’ve managed to erase them. My face looks perfect.

Then comes the clothes, and in this respect, I’ve lied to myself for so long it no longer feels like a lie. I’ve assimilated the idea. Work clothes can be pretty. One does not need to wear jeans and a t-shirt to be comfortable. One can be comfortable in a suit. One can look pretty in a suit. Heck, sometimes, one can even look sexy in one.

But the shoes, ah, the shoes. Those have to be the biggest lie ever. This is probably the one lie every woman tells. It goes something like this: They’re very comfortable, I swear. I mean, they might be so high that it’s almost like walking on stilts, but it’s not that bad. I’m sitting down most of the time anyway, so it’s not like it matters.

I can wear anything I want. 

Funny, how we tell ourselves what we want to hear. Because, if we didn’t manage to convince ourselves that the dark circles are gone, the clothes look good and the shoes don’t hurt at all, why would we even get out of the house? There would be no point.

And, well, honestly, most of the times, we’re just being too harsh on ourselves. We look at other people, and, in truth, never notice the dark circles, and yes, in them, the work clothes looks pretty damn good. 

But the shoes? I’m pretty damn sure they always hurt.

Not that I’m ready to give them up.